Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Why I Hate Crossing Guards

Okay, so I know that is an extremely bold and ignorant title/statement. Pretty much anytime you play the "I hate all of something" card your setting yourself up to polarize a good number of your audience. But I must say the words "I hate crossing guards" is pretty much the best way I can describe these yellow striped blights on society. Look, don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some really great people who put on that shiny vest every morning and hope to honestly help others cross the street (if you are a crossing guard or know someone who is, clearly this is who I am speaking of here, as the ones I despise in no way have figured out the Internet.........whew, that was a close one) but it's not their intentions that I'm questioning, it is simply their relevance to us as a society that I truly ponder.
      Now I'm sure that I've lost half of you already, but for those of you that have stuck around I just want to know, why do we need crossing guards? Anyone? I'd imagine the first answer most people would give is to keep our children safe when going to and from school. While I agree our children's safety should be a focal point of any good community, I don't particularly see how one person who simply jumps out in front of cars is doing much help. For example (or por ejemplo for my German speaking friends), every morning I drive my children to their respective schools and I pass several corners where crossing guards are perched. I notice that it seems their main objective is to allow children to keep crossing the street, even after the light has turned green and it is now the automobiles time to go. This not only causes traffic pileups but more importantly I wonder what kind of lesson it teaches our children. Personally I feel that one of the biggest problems we have with kids nowadays (man do I sound like some old guy screaming "get off my lawn" at local youth) is that they all assume the world revolves around them. We send them to school where they are taught that no one is wrong, everyone is right and were all special in our own way (no matter how idiotic many of us may be). And once they leave school they get the most selfish lesson of all; that when they cross the street, whether they have the right of way or not, that all must stop for them as though a member of royalty has just set their foot upon the pavement. Call me crazy (you wouldn't be the 1st or the 16th for that matter) but shouldn't the crossing guards be preventing the kids from entering the crosswalk when the cars have the green light? Wouldn't it make more sense to teach them to actually follow the traffic light system that in itself is the reason that our wonderful crossing guard friends have gainful employment? These are just some of the things I ponder while watching our "guardians of the crosswalks" at their best. But alas, I am just a simple rambling man, who probably secretly wishes he commanded the power that these stop sign carrying, gods among men truly wield. So with that, I bid you adieu (I really am trying to corner the market on German phrases today, aren't I?). I appreciate your reading and look forward to your comments and disdain. See ya when I see ya.


  1. "...that when they cross the street, whether they have the right of way or not, that all must stop for them as though a member of royalty has just set their foot upon the pavement."

    Couldn't have said it better myself, now on to school nurses!

  2. Almost all the crossing guards I come across are too busy chatting it up with other pedestrians to even care what the kids are doing and when someone asks to cross the street they give them attitude as if that wasn't their job... the

  3. I totally agree...However, in an effort to reduce our carbon footprint, it would be nice to see mroe pedestrian-friendly roadways. All within reason though, I mean, green-light crossing breeds Dickinson kids. I feel there should be a game invented specifically to mow down those degenerates....