Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Grab Bag

So I must forewarn you, the following entry is not some social commentary or really anything of importance at all. Just simply a peek into the insanity that runs through my brain at any given moment. There's a Christmas party/grab bag that I attend every year and a friend had a strange gift (see pictures) that he wanted me to create a background story for. So I did and here it is. (side note it works much better when presented on parchment paper) ....

"Beware as you have just become the possessor of a rare item of ancient mystery. Unknown in date or origin this lighted symbol has found its way from generation to generation of brave souls who have dared to claim it as their own. Upon receiving the item I would dare say the best option would be to find another fool to cast its burden upon, but that is just me, you do whatever you wish. I am simply speaking from experience, but No, No, I’m sure you know much more than someone who wrote this out on parchment with the intent of you being forewarned. Should you choose to keep this incandescent enigma there are rules you must follow as its new owner. 1 rule for each of the star points upon its soulless face.

-        Rule the First: Only ignite the light within while standing on one foot. Should you have lost your leg in battle or at sea, then a step you are ahead.
-        Second: Never stare directly into the eyes of this crime against invention as I could not bear to share with you the horrors of those who have. I will give you a hint, massive intestinal irritation.
-        Thirdly: Never feed it after midnight. I can say no more
-        Rule the Fourth: Always cover its face should you find yourself changing ones clothes when in its presence. It’s honestly common courtesy.
-        Fifth: Should the light within ever turn to red, stop all actions immediately, gently pat the top star point and repeat these words exactly “You are a good little light, a good little light. I have made my declaration, you are a good little light”
-        Sixthly: Some day a crazy wild-eyed guy who clams to be a scientist or a kid may show up asking about this artifact, should that happen you must dispose of them, post haste!
-        Rule the Seventh: Should you decide to name your new piece of mysterious property, as many an honest lord or lady would, I beg of you, for all that is good do not call it “Horatio”. I made the grievous mistake myself and spent many a night ill over the chamber pot until I realized it simply does not like the name “Horatio”
-        The Final and 8th rule: Despite all its misgivings the aforementioned artifact really does light up a room beautifully. Not so much of a rule as a statement of affirmation should you decide to keep it.

…And should you ever wish to severe your ties with this illuminated illustration of evil and find another as mentioned above, you must find a way to pass it on to another in some type of ritualistic swapping ceremony amongst friends and cohorts. Best of luck my friend."

...... so there you have it my ramblings for today (kind of cheap I know, since its really just a story i wrote a month ago, but there's no admission charge so take it or leave it)....well actually for yesterday but the blog site wasn't working until today so I may post about my anger towards crossing guards later in the day.... see ya when i see ya folks

1 comment:

  1. love how you added the Gremlins rules... Now I wanna watch the I give today's blog a B+