Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Why I Hate Crossing Guards

Okay, so I know that is an extremely bold and ignorant title/statement. Pretty much anytime you play the "I hate all of something" card your setting yourself up to polarize a good number of your audience. But I must say the words "I hate crossing guards" is pretty much the best way I can describe these yellow striped blights on society. Look, don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some really great people who put on that shiny vest every morning and hope to honestly help others cross the street (if you are a crossing guard or know someone who is, clearly this is who I am speaking of here, as the ones I despise in no way have figured out the Internet.........whew, that was a close one) but it's not their intentions that I'm questioning, it is simply their relevance to us as a society that I truly ponder.
      Now I'm sure that I've lost half of you already, but for those of you that have stuck around I just want to know, why do we need crossing guards? Anyone? I'd imagine the first answer most people would give is to keep our children safe when going to and from school. While I agree our children's safety should be a focal point of any good community, I don't particularly see how one person who simply jumps out in front of cars is doing much help. For example (or por ejemplo for my German speaking friends), every morning I drive my children to their respective schools and I pass several corners where crossing guards are perched. I notice that it seems their main objective is to allow children to keep crossing the street, even after the light has turned green and it is now the automobiles time to go. This not only causes traffic pileups but more importantly I wonder what kind of lesson it teaches our children. Personally I feel that one of the biggest problems we have with kids nowadays (man do I sound like some old guy screaming "get off my lawn" at local youth) is that they all assume the world revolves around them. We send them to school where they are taught that no one is wrong, everyone is right and were all special in our own way (no matter how idiotic many of us may be). And once they leave school they get the most selfish lesson of all; that when they cross the street, whether they have the right of way or not, that all must stop for them as though a member of royalty has just set their foot upon the pavement. Call me crazy (you wouldn't be the 1st or the 16th for that matter) but shouldn't the crossing guards be preventing the kids from entering the crosswalk when the cars have the green light? Wouldn't it make more sense to teach them to actually follow the traffic light system that in itself is the reason that our wonderful crossing guard friends have gainful employment? These are just some of the things I ponder while watching our "guardians of the crosswalks" at their best. But alas, I am just a simple rambling man, who probably secretly wishes he commanded the power that these stop sign carrying, gods among men truly wield. So with that, I bid you adieu (I really am trying to corner the market on German phrases today, aren't I?). I appreciate your reading and look forward to your comments and disdain. See ya when I see ya.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Grab Bag

So I must forewarn you, the following entry is not some social commentary or really anything of importance at all. Just simply a peek into the insanity that runs through my brain at any given moment. There's a Christmas party/grab bag that I attend every year and a friend had a strange gift (see pictures) that he wanted me to create a background story for. So I did and here it is. (side note it works much better when presented on parchment paper) ....

"Beware as you have just become the possessor of a rare item of ancient mystery. Unknown in date or origin this lighted symbol has found its way from generation to generation of brave souls who have dared to claim it as their own. Upon receiving the item I would dare say the best option would be to find another fool to cast its burden upon, but that is just me, you do whatever you wish. I am simply speaking from experience, but No, No, I’m sure you know much more than someone who wrote this out on parchment with the intent of you being forewarned. Should you choose to keep this incandescent enigma there are rules you must follow as its new owner. 1 rule for each of the star points upon its soulless face.

-        Rule the First: Only ignite the light within while standing on one foot. Should you have lost your leg in battle or at sea, then a step you are ahead.
-        Second: Never stare directly into the eyes of this crime against invention as I could not bear to share with you the horrors of those who have. I will give you a hint, massive intestinal irritation.
-        Thirdly: Never feed it after midnight. I can say no more
-        Rule the Fourth: Always cover its face should you find yourself changing ones clothes when in its presence. It’s honestly common courtesy.
-        Fifth: Should the light within ever turn to red, stop all actions immediately, gently pat the top star point and repeat these words exactly “You are a good little light, a good little light. I have made my declaration, you are a good little light”
-        Sixthly: Some day a crazy wild-eyed guy who clams to be a scientist or a kid may show up asking about this artifact, should that happen you must dispose of them, post haste!
-        Rule the Seventh: Should you decide to name your new piece of mysterious property, as many an honest lord or lady would, I beg of you, for all that is good do not call it “Horatio”. I made the grievous mistake myself and spent many a night ill over the chamber pot until I realized it simply does not like the name “Horatio”
-        The Final and 8th rule: Despite all its misgivings the aforementioned artifact really does light up a room beautifully. Not so much of a rule as a statement of affirmation should you decide to keep it.

…And should you ever wish to severe your ties with this illuminated illustration of evil and find another as mentioned above, you must find a way to pass it on to another in some type of ritualistic swapping ceremony amongst friends and cohorts. Best of luck my friend."

...... so there you have it my ramblings for today (kind of cheap I know, since its really just a story i wrote a month ago, but there's no admission charge so take it or leave it)....well actually for yesterday but the blog site wasn't working until today so I may post about my anger towards crossing guards later in the day.... see ya when i see ya folks

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Blog The First

So, here we go......Time to start my blog....... I guess I should start by introducing myself. I'm one of those cliched people who always thought I should start a blog but "never had the time", I was too busy with work or my kids..... or falling asleep on my couch after eating wayyyy too much chicken parm and baked ziti for dinner (one of the few wonderful things I have no interest in changing in the glorious new year). In other words, I'm probably just like a majority of you out there (though you...yeah you, the guy in the "furry" suit who is looking up strange midget websites......I'm probably not completely like you, but nonetheless, I appreciate your patronage), just trying to make my way in the world. I'm nothing special, just a guy who figured I should try to see if people cared about what I have to say.
          Another reason I'm starting this blog is because much like so many other people who are hardworking, intelligent and willing to do their best for their respective companies, I find myself out of work. Now before you think to yourself "ohh boy, here goes another angry unemployed guy complaining about 'The Man'", let me just state I in no way blame "The Man" for my current situation. In fact I actually blame you.... well not just you, but "You" collectively or better put, "Us". We all as a society have become enamored with the idea of immediate gratification. From food, to news, to our never ending updates of whatever meaningless status we decide to provide at any given moment (this blog is a perfect example of that). With that said, I cant in any way be mad that my former employer ( lets just call them Spomcast Spable ) subscribes to the idea that clearing out an entire department of talented people to save some money is a good thing. It's the world we have created and embraced. No more hard work and no more loyalty, just who can do it fastest and cheapest. So with that said I say Thank you to those who let me go, as I hope greater things can come from it and that I can achieve my goal of writing for a living that I had abandoned long ago (that story will have to be another blog entry or 10 in the future).
         As far as what type of blog ill be writing, well your guess is as good as mine my friend. I'm new to this and I honestly have too many ideas in my head at one time to pretend Ive got it all figured out. I love movies, the joy of all things nerd and I'm a huge fan of finding discounts online, so those are a few of the things I'll probably ramble about in the future. I hope you can handle this as a reader ( I mean in my defense I did name the blog "the writing rambler", when I well could have called it "the writing guy who is speaking about a particular expertise in one specific thing"). I cant promise I'll always follow a form or stick to a certain script but I do give you my word I'll do my best to keep you entertained (though again, midget website "furry" guy, this probably doesn't apply to you) while I write about whatever it is that I'm writing about. With that said, I'll see ya when I see ya.